When it comes to Apple products, I’m a fan. I own a MacBook Pro and an iPhone 3GS. Wouldn’t buy anything else. I depend on them like I do oxygen or water. Seriously. When it comes to Apple support…not so much. Yesterday, I was rushing out of my house to get to my car, iPhone in my left hand, earbuds (the pricey, $70 jobbers from Apple) in my ears. I started to trip, and instinctively put out my hand to steady myself. My hand connected with the earbuds. They went flying, as did my iPhone. As I picked it up, I immediately checked it for damage. Keep in mind, I’ve got the iPhone case from HELL on it – the damn thing has a silicone sleeve AND an exoskeleton made of football helmet plastic. I also have an Invisible Shield screen protector over the screen. I thought, “no worries…I’ve got an extended warranty via AppleCare, and the phone is less than a year old.” I called Apple. And then the fun began…

Turns out I didn’t really read all the fine print on the AppleCare warranty. It covers only electronic part failure. If a “wear part” goes out, or if the phone is dropped, damaged, lost or otherwise injured, you are S.O.L. Lovely. So I haven’t had the thing a year, and I’m already hosed. “So…what will you charge me for repairing it?,” I asked. I was told that Apple will sell me a reconditioned (used) 3GS for the low, low price of…wait for it…$199. Color me underwhelmed. So I said, “what are my other options?” She recommended that I Google “iPhone repair” and select a firm that will repair the screen for me. I objected, “but won’t that void my warranty?” She said, “oh, no…don’t worry about it…your warranty was voided the minute you dropped the phone.”

Pause with me for a nanosecond whilst we consider the Theatre of the Absurd my life has become.

“So you mean to tell me that I paid $69 for an additional one year warranty on my iPhone, but even though the phone is less than a year old, because I cracked the screen, not only will you NOT fix it under warranty, but you’ve also canceled the basic warranty AND the extra coverage I paid for?

Yup. That’s exactly what she was telling me.

Now, don’t get me wrong. She was unfailingly polite about everything. But her hands were tied. Which, ironically enough, was exactly what I was imagining doing to Steve Jobs, right about then.

Then…it got weirder. (Where’s Hunter S. Thompson when you need him?)

She said, “Oh…I don’t even see your AppleCare warranty on your account. Are you sure you purchased one?” I told her, yes, I had, and I even have the original box with the serial number on it in front of me.

“Okay, well you’d better give me that number, so I can record it.”

“Why?”

“Well, so we’ll have a record of your AppleCare coverage.”

“Um…that would be the AppleCare warranty coverage that you told me is now null and void because my screen is cracked? THAT AppleCare coverage?”

“Well…yes. I suppose so.”

I thought for a minute. “Well, what if I DON’T register the plan? I mean, it won’t do me any good now, right? And then in June, when you guys release whatever iPhone hotness takes the place of the 3GS in the hearts and minds of MacFanboys everywhere, I could just shell out the big bucks for the new phone, and the apply the AppleCare plan to the NEW phone where it might – just might – do me some good. Right?”

She found my logic to be unassailable.

So I looked up “iPhone Repair” on Google. Turns out there are some anecdotal stories about how some poor schmucks have taken their iPhones to Apple stores and found Geniuses that took pity upon them, repairing them gratis. Hope springs eternal. So tomorrow, I’m heading for Big D and my nearest Apple Emporium to try my luck. If I bomb out there, I’ll try one of the several Dallas-based repair depots, and see if I can get my iPhone back to looking healthy.

So, Steve…if you’re listening, do me a favor. Stop selling AppleCare. That kind of thing is beneath you. It’s poorly marketed, misrepresented, and not worth the money – all things that run diametrically opposed to the “Apple Way.” And if a racket is what you’re after, go for where the REAL money is. Insurance. I hear it’s a license to steal.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 15th, 2010 at 5:10 pm and is filed under marketing, Random Stuff.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.