I don’t fault ‘em for trying. In this age of instant gratification, 500 channels on satellite, and instant messaging, direct mail can seem…well…quaint. I don’t know how it is at your house, but about 90% of the direct mail solicitations I get are immediately consigned to my round file. (You know – the round thing under your desk that gets emptied when full.) The USPS has an image problem. In a world filled with “green” this and “eco-friendly” that, anything that requires using paper (from trees) and energy (from fossil fuels) is risking the wrath of the eco-Nazis and greenies. As a quasi-public entity, the Postal Service can only make money if people are mailing things, and apparently, people mailing things is experiencing a “negative growth posture,” to use marketing-speak.

With the double-bogeyman of paper and energy useage, the Postal Serivce is trying to market their way out of their problems. While I’m obviously a big believer in marketing, there’s such a radical disconnect between what they’re suggesting (direct mail is environmentally friendly and responsible) and the obvious facts (direct mail takes a lot of paper, uses a lot of energy to transport/deliver said paper, not to mention recycling and waste issues), I’m not sure anybody’s buying what they’re selling.

Just today, we receive the latest in their efforts to twist the majority’s perceptions in their favor. It was a truly existential experience. The promotion was shipped, Priority Mail, no less, in one of those boxes that are roughly the size of about three coffee table books, or one good-sized city phone book. Inside was a crumpled piece of brown craft paper (to keep the contents from rattling around), a cover letter/business reply card, and a spiro-bound booklet that must have cost a pretty penny to print – lots of custom die-cuts, folds, and hand-glued pockets. Oh, yeah – and a tshirt. The booklet and shirt displayed a kind of post-ironic, cheeky, “pay no attention to logic an reasoning…listen to us” logo. “en•vi•ron•mail•ism™” is the campain name, with “your handbook to greener Direct Mail” as their slogan.

The piece is positively lousy with logos that proudly proclaim their political correctness – 100% Wind Energy! Carbon Neutral! 30% Post-Consumer Waste! Chlorine-Free Paper! Acid-Free Paper! 100% Post-Consumer Waste! (They seem to be a little confused on that one.) The text helpfully points out How You Can Still Send Ridiculous Amounts Of Unwanted Junk Mail And Have A Clear Conscience If You Follow These Helpful Steps!

Let’s pause for a nanosecond and consider the obvious.

It takes a certain amount of energy to make paper. Any kind of paper. It takes a finite amount of energy to transport a piece of paper from one place to another. These are fixed costs – not variables. The obvious way to reduce pollution and to be more ‘green’ is to stop sending so much bloody unwanted mail. Since the USPS is constitutionally opposed to sending LESS mail, they’d like you to ignore this. While there are certainly ways to reduce the impact on the environment that printing and mailing cause, if you are really concerned with reducing your “carbon footprint” (um…yeah. Sure.), the best way is to NOT PRINT AND MAIL STUFF.

Their suggestions for how to lessen your guilt are helpful (especially if you’re a bleeding-heart liberal), but you’d be better off, green-wise, if you simply eliminated a mailing or two from your marketing plan. What gets me is the oh-so earnest tone of the text, as if they have wonderful news that will solve your problems, heal the sick, save the farm, and make your teeth whiter, all while Saving The Planet By Being More Responsible Through Making Symbolic Gestures Rather Than Using Logic And Reason.

Unfortunately, self-serving crap like this has become an epidemic throughout MarketingLand. They offer feel-good platitudes that provide drop-in-the-bucket ‘solutions’ to problems that can better be addressed by applying a little logic and reasoning to create more reasonable strategies that actually SOLVE things. For instance, moving away from buying mailing lists and towards permission-based lists, where people are actually asking for you to send them your information.

Here’s the deal. Saving little bits here and there eventually adds up to significant savings. But when you use that logic to continue sending out wasteful mailings, instead of mailing smarter, the only thing you’re really saving is your own conscience.